Sometimes the word happy can feel like the end of a rainbow, always just out of reach. But maybe that’s because we’re reaching for the wrong thing. We live in a world where we are constantly being told how to be happy and what happiness should look like. But we rarely stop to think, does this really make me happy? Who decides what should make me happy or not? Who creates these definitions of happiness? A copywriter in Chicago? A movie producer in Hollywood? An advertising company in New York?
We have forgotten that the definition of happiness is uniquely our own. It’s as unique to you as your fingerprint. It is up to you to decide what makes you happy. Don’t let anyone else try to determine that for you. So, here are three steps to start you down the path to figuring out how to be happy.
Step 1: Remember Your Happy
Most of us have heard of a gratitude journal (a journal where you write down things that you are grateful for, usually daily), but here’s an idea, what if you started a memory journal? It could be a place to jot down your favorite memories. You could write about all of the things that brought you joy over the years. It’s your own, personal memory journal, so it’s up to you what to include. You can write about anything that brings you joy such as your favorite foods, favorite vacation spots, favorite holidays, favorite childhood toys, favorite people and/or favorite memories.
Use Your Memory Journal as a Happiness Tool
You can use your memory journal as a tool, a place to record happy thoughts and pleasant memories. It can help you to explore your memories and to analyze them to help you better understand what makes you happy. You can also use it as a tool to bring happy memories to the forefront of your mind, to help you think happy thoughts, and help you escape a bad mood.
Step 2: Celebrate Your Happy
For most of us, loving ourselves for who we are takes work. So, how do we teach ourselves to do this? One way would be to create space in your memory journal for noticing-the-now. This is a space for calling out and noticing things that make you happy, such as:
- Things that make you laugh.
- Things that make you smile.
- The times during the day you say, “I love you” or “I love that”.
- The times when you like something about yourself, whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional.
Take notice of all the now-moments that make you happy whether they are big things or small things. These moments are what make up your unique happiness signature.
Step 3: Rethink What Happiness Is
Finally, after remembering what uniquely makes you happy and celebrating who you are today, now it’s time to do the really hard work, it’s time to completely rethink your definition of happy.
“Unlearn what you were taught to believe and teach yourself how to truly be happy with yourself, your decisions, your body, your relationship with others, & your blessings from above.” – K.T.H.
Forget about those car commercials, that’s probably not your happiness. Forget about those Instagram feeds, that’s probably not your happiness either. Your job now is to shed other people’s ideas of happiness and redefine that word for yourself. Examine your journal and take stock in the unique combination of things that make you happy and begin appreciating our own unique definition of happiness.
Explore Your Unique Happiness
If you’re ready to explore your unique happiness or need help figuring it out, Dr. Alyx MacTernan can guide you through this process. Elemental Mental Health offers secure online counseling sessions for residents of California, Georgia, Florida, and Texas. Fill out the website contact form to learn more.