Setting boundaries is an important part of life. You can use them to protect your work/life balance, your personal space, your time, and your mental health. It’s not being selfish – it’s about protecting yourself – to ensure you are doing what you can to lead a safe, happy, and healthy life.
And one boundary in particular can be very difficult to establish. It’s the boundary you need to utilize to protect yourself from unhealthy relationships. So, I hope you will take a minute to read this great quote about establishing boundaries by Prentis Hemphill and take a look at your current relationship. If it shows signs of being toxic – you need to establish a boundary and protect yourself.
Not All Relationships Are Created Equal
Every relationship is different, and you are the only person that can determine what works and what doesn’t work for you. Only you can determine what you can accept in a relationship and what is an absolute deal breaker. And you are the one responsible for establishing and enforcing boundaries in your relationships to protect yourself.
The Top Five Signs of a Toxic Relationship
What are some common red flags to look for, that may signal you are in a toxic relationship?
Intensity
Look for over the top behavior. This can come in many forms such as wanting to see, talk to, or be with you at all times. Or if it can feel like your partner is rushing the relationship – moving too fast for your comfort. In extreme cases, it can feel like the other person is obsessed with you.
If a relationship is starting to feel too intense, then talk to the person about slowing things down and/or spending some time apart. And if they can’t honor your request, it’s time to establish a boundary and end the relationship.
Jealousy
Jealousy is a common emotion that everyone experiences. And that feeling alone shouldn’t alarm you. It only becomes unhealthy when a partner acts on those feelings by trying to control you. If a partner gets upset when you spend time with other people and tries to deter you from doing so – it’s time to heed the warning and walk away from this relationship.
Manipulation
Attempts to manipulate you can come in many forms – and some are easier to spot than others. A person may use guilt or gifts (bribery) to get their way. They may withhold affection, take advantage of you, or even lie/cheat to get what they want.
A partner in a healthy relationship won’t try to push you into doing something that you are not comfortable doing. A true partner will have your best interest in mind. They will be willing to compromise and work toward a solution that is acceptable and comfortable for both parties. If your partner won’t compromise, then it’s time to cut them lose.
Isolation
If a partner wants you all to themselves, it can feel sweet at first. Sometimes you just can’t seem to get enough of each other, especially when you are just starting out. But there is a big difference between wanting to spend time with you and not wanting you to spend time with anyone else.
If a partner is trying to keep you apart from your friends and family, often making you choose between spending time with them or your loved ones then this should send up a big red flag for you. A supportive partner will want to get to know your friends and family because they know these people are important to you. A supportive partner won’t isolate you; they will want to participate with you.
If your partner is trying to isolate you from your loved ones, then it’s time to isolate yourself from them. Establish a boundary and say goodbye for good. It’s time to move on.
Belittling and Sabotaging
This goes hand in hand with manipulation. If a partner is saying or doing things to you that make you feel bad about yourself this is a sign that they are likely trying to manipulate you. They may try to make you feel like you are lucky to be with them and no one else would find you desirable. They may even go as far as purposefully trying to ruin your reputation or downplay your achievements. Belittling and sabotaging you are tactics bad partners use to try to isolate and control you.
In healthy relationships, both partners are equal. They build each other up, they love and support each other, and are happy to brag about their partner’s achievements. If your partner doesn’t build you up and support you, it’s time to establish a boundary and find someone who will.
Boundaries Let Me Love You and Me Simultaneously
Use this quote by Prentiss Hemphill, ‘Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously,’ to remind yourself that every relationship must pass this simple litmus test.
Do You Need Help Establishing Boundaries in Your Relationships?
If you see any of these red flags in your relationship, it is time to change course. This can be very difficult to do, especially if you have been in an unhealthy relationship for some time. Counseling services from Elemental Mental Health can help you evaluate your relationship and build a plan. Professional support can make big changes like this easier and help you navigate the rough waters better. Contact Dr. Alyx MacTernan to learn how counseling can help you establish important boundaries in your relationships.